[Satire] Ron Paul Falls in Line with GOP, Declares Support for War with Iran and Never-Ending War on Islam
- Jake Horowitz
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- Millennials,
- Satire
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- 4 weeks ago
Ron Paul's foreign policy.
In a dramatic reversal of policy, Texas Congressman Ron Paul has announced he will support a preemptive strike on Iran, along with the return of U.S. troops to Iraq, a never-ending war on Islam, and a CIA-led Cuba Spring if elected president in 2012.
A source close to Paul said the previously anti-war candidate had suffered long enough at the polls for his refusal to endorse across-the-board war, and that he would be unveiling his new, more aggressive foreign policy at Thursday evening’s GOP debate, ahead of the Florida primary next week.
News of Paul’s abandonment of his dovish approach to foreign affairs comes as a major shock to his supporters, including military veterans, who have donated nearly twice as much to Paul’s campaign as all of the other GOP candidates combined. Paul’s antiwar stance had become particularly appealing for young voters under age 30, who form a core part of his base.
Senior campaign adviser Doug Wead explained that Paul’s change of heart stems from his reluctant admission that sound judgment on foreign affairs has no place in today’s Republican party. “Previously, we believed that rational, cost-saving, and well-thought-out foreign policy positions would resonate well with Republican voters. But, through the course of the debates, and using public opinion polling as a guide, [Paul] has come to realize that incoherent, hawkish positions are not only more popular, but also make for better policy.”
Paul reportedly left the GOP debate in Tampa, Florida feeling disappointed because he had stubbornly overlooked the wisdom of supporting a CIA-led Cuban Spring. Foreign policy advisor Bruce Fein told reporters that the campaign was so impressed with Newt Gingrich’s Cuba strategy, that “we’re currently exploring the viability of endorsing a CIA-led Russian Spring, French Spring, and a Mexican Spring to finally end the decades-old drug war. Canada should be on alert too.”
In order to shamelessly pander to voters, Paul has drawn from the best foreign policy ideas of his GOP rivals. Like Mitt Romney, Paul now plans to denounce President Barack Obama’s efforts to cut the defense budget without explaining how that he would otherwise reduce the deficit. Similar to Rick Perry, Paul will endorse a plan to re-invade Iraq, even though the war has cost America trillions of dollars (even more than World War II). And just like Rick Santorum, Paul will declare a war on “radical Islam” without explaining why he believes all Muslims are violent and dangerous.
Related story: On Foreign Policy, Ron Paul the Only Sane GOP Candidate
When asked whether he was concerned that Paul would be accused of flip-flopping, Wead said the campaign was merely responding to the preferences of the Republican electorate. “Whether it was South Carolinians booing Romney’s Mexican heritage or the audience canning our Golden Rule strategy, we’ve seen a Republican base that is nativist and blindly in favor of military spending. [Thus, with our new policies] We’re responding to our base by ensuring that our foreign policy is just as nonsensical as our competitors.”
Whether Paul’s hard-line position will poll well remains to be seen. What’s clear, however, is that only the most extreme war-mongering can ignite the GOP base and get a Republican candidate elected in 2012.
Photo Credit: Jayel Aheram
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Jake Horowitz
As co-founder of PolicyMic, Jake is managing the writing and editing process and trying to spark thoughtful debate on important political issues....
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The comments on this piece are even more entertaining than the article. Satire is clearly a lost art...or lost on most college students.
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The Discussion
Close All ThreadsI nominate @JakeHorowit for a Shorty Award in #humor because...I encourage good next generation political Satire
Two weeks later after further reflection, I retract my earlier concern of PolicyMic's choice in stepping outside of fact into satire. I now wonder if there's been more mics, FB shares or comments on any other post. Controversial topics & deeply rooted belief systems whether good, bad or ugly are the core of any good satire & hitting a nerve is essential. So don't put 'satire' in the title & do post it under 'Politics'. Keep it up, we must learn!
Paul is the new "hope and change" candidate. He's rallying Obama's 2008 individual donor base as well as a good part of the millennial vote http://goo.gl/uhfHi
While Dr. Paul wouldn't flip into interventionism, all too often his opponents flop every-which-way!
Knowing, as he says, that "Empires always end badly..." I say the best way to teach the GOP about its non-interventionist roots is http://tinyurl.com/WriteInRonPaul
Remember how Ron Paul has a good sense of humor, a tough skin, and is really into free speech? I'm sure he's not whining about this like some here are.
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lol seriously, some people are suggesting to take this down due to the fact that many Americans do not get satire or irony or have such a basic sense of humour that it isn't funny unless it has a tits and ass punchline.
That my friends is actually part of the problem. ;)
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This is a BS article written for obvious purposes.
Great story and hilarious! I skimmed over it at first because I thought it was just another story about the election until I read the Buzzfeed.
The article is hilarious. The comments, however, are depressing.
I don't know who is more pathetic, the people that believed the article as truth, or the people that want it taken down because their party is admittedly stupid.
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Thank goodness for inflammatory extremism! I would die watching this campaign for another 7 months without a good wry laugh.
It is difficult to bask in the spotlight if it is focused on others and becoming an also-ran is the best way to assure that the glare will not be on you. Pander he must to stay in the game. Just ask Governor Roemer how the alternate strategy is working for him.
Maybe Policymic needs to add a "Comedy" tab at the top of the page or use pop-up panels with "laugh", "applause", "boo" and so on to help readers figure out how to react to articles and posts?
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Loved the article...
However...
I can empathize with those who believe this will hurt the campaign. There are people out there who don't realize the Onion is satire... And I believe many are right... They don't bother to read the article.
Thanks for the laugh.
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Methinks Chad is a troll. I can't imagine a Paul supporter calling himself a "Paulbot" in his Avatar. All his comments are over the top, I think to color supporters of Paul's as kooky and attacking people out of stupidity.
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Jake, what's your point?
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This is trash pull it down
I am a volunteer with the Ron Paul presidential campaign, while this article is satirical in nature, most people don't read anything other than the headline. This article is detrimental to the campaign. Please remove this article. This is a cease and desist request. Do not ignore this request.
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I dont find this funny. Republicans should support Ron Paul on getting out of Europe, we subsidize their defense and allow them to have all these socialist programs the left points to every time they want to do that over here. Make them pay for their own defense.
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You know, I agree with making satire of Ron Paul. Always did think his candidacy was a joke by him on his acolytes.
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I didnt think he would change his position, not after 30 yrs. Ron Paul is my hero!!!!
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Yay...It's about time. I really liked Ron Paul except his foreign policy scared the crap out of me. Now I can sleep at night knowing that the Government will be watching me, keeping me safe. War doesn't hurt the economy, War HELPS the economy. More War is Just What We Need to Save the Dollar!
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It was ok not very funny @ all and as to satires The Onion has been doing this forever nothing new here. Try to add some funny lines next time. You spent your load on the headline.
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I'm pleased by this. Before, I saw Paul as guy who wanted the government out of the lives of everyone (even non-Americans!). It concerned me that he wasn't frightened by the Islamo-fascist terrorists that run Turkey - a country that Newsweek once described as "slightly more threatening than Nigeria"
This was hilarious! Thanks Jake!
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I Hope He Builds A DEATH STAR!!!
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The art of parody lies in crafting a mockery that is even more absurd than the model being mocked.
Not an easy thing anymore ...
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Oh the mirth!
I can't believe some people fell for this. Must not know much of Dr. Paul. I knew it was fake as soon as I read this "Ron Paul Falls in Line with GOP"
Ron Paul's Libertarian values don't fall for anybody. Get it right.
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Way to go. Almost had me going for a nano second. And for all the haters, if you want the author to dummy down because people won't understand satire, that is what is wrong with this country. How about, instead, we encourage the sheeple to dummy up instead? Go Ron Paul 2012 -for FREEDOM!
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If you can't get Republican voters to boo the golden rule (dissing Jesus): http://warisacrime.org/content/booing-golden-rule you aint got what it takes (unelectable)... be afraid...
Wow, that was funny! I was about to send this to my brother who is a huge Paul supporter...I have to admit you had me going for a little bit there. Although, your sentiment about Republican war-mongering, except of course for Paul, is right on the money!
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I am becoming confused of the positioning of this publishing. Serious news, blog/discussion, any news including entertainment or satire. Am I alone in this sentiment?
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Of course this is all tongue in cheek and only the blithe and empthy headed persons take it seriously! Does no one get sarcasm any more?
What an excellent article! It made me laugh out loud! It's my first time on this website. I'll definitely come back!
Folks are posting this as truth! I understand its a joke and normally your satire is hilarious, but you went a bit too far! Please add a note or something so they understand its a JOKE . RON PAUL 2012!!
Not funny. There are far too many people who would believe this and spread it all over the internet as the gospel truth... It could be very damaging to Dr Paul's campaign if that happened.
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THIS IS SATIRE. HOPE EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS THAT! With that in mind, funny stuff.
I don't like this, because average Americans are not that bright and will think this is to be true...
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O` man, thank you so much! I laughed so hard I cried!
On a more serious note, it is so sad to think that so many Americans actually support such an insane foreign policy!
HaHa, Well done Jake! You had me there for the first paragraph or so.
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info from top of the article:
Jake Horowitz in National, Satire Follow this Topic
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The comments on this piece are even more entertaining than the article. Satire is clearly a lost art...or lost on most college students.
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Sarcasm.
Wow.
I gotta stop taking things so seriously.
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Very well written, Hopefully will make some understand.. Ron Paul 2012
Well written. Maybe this is the way to reach the masses. Hook them in w/ a headline they like, then tell them the facts.
Good work. Shared.
This article is fake don't believe it.
Ok, you can't do that to me. I was just finished typing how I support Ron Paul because of his F. Policy and then I read this. I was like, "Come-on" you got to be kidding me, I didn't see anything on the internet saying so."
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Nicely done Jake ;-)
Matter of fact, I'm moving to South Carolina!
Fantastic article, Jake. I think this may be my favorite part: "Doug Wead explained that Paul’s change of heart stems from his reluctant admission that sound judgment on foreign affairs has no place in today’s Republican party."
Well I've had a change of Heart too: To Hell with Jesus, and the Golden Rule: I want more death and bloodshed!
You had me there for a second! lol Great work!
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Obama can quit campaigning right now and plan for his second term.
The GOP is a joke.
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RON PAUL 2012 :)
Wow, finally I can vote for this guy. I really liked his economic ideas but there just wasn't enough bombing being promised. How will the world ever like us unless we can weed out those who don't?
Thank Godddd. I hope this doesn't come up in google searches. The news media would just love to run with this article hahaha.
Could have been straight out of the Onion. Nice work.
at first i was like, wait, wtf! and then i was like, oh, lol :)
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I haven't heard him mention anything to the effect of the info in this article. Could this be real, is he really changing his stand on his foreign policy? I'm still voting for him but I would like to know if he really did change his mind or if this is a smear, or just a joke
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Jake,
Thanks for adding a good laugh
LOL ahhh you got me!
Very funny.
Next he'll announce Peter King as his running mate and fall in with Gingrich and Bachmann and have Congress arrest judges that make "poor" decisions.
Very funny.
Next he'll announce Peter King as his running mate and fall in with Gingrich and Bachmann and have Congress arrest judges that make "poor" decisions.
In support of Paul and the GOP, I'm going to change my name to Bubba, move to to the South, buy a pickup truck with a gun rack, pull out some of my front teeth, buy an alligator farm and raise a confederate flag in front of my house.
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The scariest thing is that I actually thought this article was true...! That's how shocking the Republican contenders and their proposals are to anyone outside the US.
If "Canada should be on alert too," didnt solidify the satire for you, then what exactly do you have against Canada?
Had me for a second there. On the positive side, I didnt realize there was a satire section.
You forgot to mention that he has named his cabinet - including every rabid islamaphobe evangelical preacher in the confederacy, and the head of the KKK is to be the secretary of civil rights - a new cabinet level position.
Jake, you clown. My mouth almost hit the floor in disbelief when I read the title. I should have known better. Great satire.
Impressive! You could write for Washington Post, or at least have your own Fox News or CNN blog.
Careful. CNN might pick this one up for their 8pm show. John King and his wife have volunteered to break this news.
You want satire, here is satire! The Daily Squib.
http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/
Tony Blair to Give Missing Eight Million Pounds to Iraq Charity.
http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/world/3142-tony-blair-to-give-missing-eight-million-pounds-to-iraq-charity.html
Obama: "Why Disarming America is My Last Act As President".
http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/world/3135-obama-why-disarming-america-is-my-last-act-as-president.html
Quality news reporting at its best! (that's satire too) :)
Satire...
FYI - this is satire.
Where did you find out about this?
Wow major flip-flopping! I doubt he'd gain more supporters after this move. Most people myself included like Paul because of his anti (useless)-war stance. Let's see how this goes.
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This seems fake.....
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